Yes, oh dear is the phrase to use at this juncture. I have been feeling even more depressed and lonely and let down by my so called friends. It's my birthday on sunday and I barely feel like celebrating.
I'm going home for a few days next week to celebrate with my family. Then I have a couple of people I am going to celebrate with here in Leeds. I know it could be worse it's just that life is not what I was expecting it to be. I didn't think I would ever be lonely or feel abandoned by friends, not down here. I came here to start a new life and people have let me down in the same way that they let me down in Durham. So what's new?
I having been thinking about running away (I won't really do it though, just fantisising). I would like to just dissappear and not even say goodbye to anyone or anything. I don't really want to be in Leeds or Durham at the moment and I am extremely unsure about where I belong.
There are some people down here who care about me though they are not neccassirly friends.
I was reading about this guy called J.D Salinger who wrote The Catcher in the Rye and he lived alone on some little farm in the middle of nowhere and barely spoke to anyone. I feel like Holden Caulfield right now and I want to live like J.D Salinger.
Less people= less problems
Last week I got mugged at knife point and it's not like I'm traumatised by it or something it's just making me feel more depressed.
I am going to start counselling so I can talk about these things because I feel really low.
My birthday celebrations often have a hint of misery about them and this year's is going to be no exception.
There don't seem to be many cheerful posts on this blog, I am a right miserable sod sometimes, I really am.
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01/09/06 @ 20:29