Yes, hmph is the word here.
I have had a few people signing up for STAR (Student Action for Refugees)but now I am really worried because I am trying to arrange a first meeting and what if nobody turns up like last time. What if, in fact people turn .
I'm writing this on here because I don't want to talk to anybody about it because I'm supposed to be confident about being a leader.
up but the whole thing just sort of fades away to nothing after that. What happens if I'm not a good enough leader? I'm really not very confident about this stuff
My flatmates are really messing me about and have still failed to register with the electricity company so we are maybe going to get cut off any minute. I cancelled my accout because I was sick of paying other peoples bills and though it would make them get their arses into gear (but obviously not). I am very frustrated at the moment.
Tomorrow I am going to have to go to uni and see my 'so called friends' who are not my friends anymore because they abandoned me over the summer.
I had some stupid argument with my flatmate last week so I was just lying in bed with my belt tied round my neck and just thinking about how good it would be to really hurt myself. I feel like a bit of a headcase writing this on a blog and I just have to add that I am NOT suicidal.
I am kind of starting to make some new friends again (sigh...) but I don't know how that's going to turn out so I am nervous as hell.
I've been invited to a party by one of these people but because I am feeling so depressed at the moment I will probably just get really drunk and end up in a state/telling my life story which is not a position I want to be in.

Trying to smile but finding it really hard a lot of the time. I wish somebody could make it better but I'm so afraid that nobody can help me. You can talk to people as much as you want to but at the end of the day only you can make your life work out the way you want it to.

I decided to go home for a few days for my birthday. It wasn't too bad. I still haven't celebrated with any friends yet though I have one friend I can celebrate with.

I still feel pretty depressed and alone though I suppose my social life will improve when university starts again. Will be going to counselling soon.
I am going to try and launch my STAR (Student Action for Refugees) thing at freshers week and I am feeling really nervous in case it's all going to fail.
I am feeling a little bit fragile at the moment and feel like crying at the drop of a hat.

I think I need to keep that chin up, or try to anyway...

(-:

Yes, oh dear is the phrase to use at this juncture. I have been feeling even more depressed and lonely and let down by my so called friends. It's my birthday on sunday and I barely feel like celebrating.
I'm going home for a few days next week to celebrate with my family. Then I have a couple of people I am going to celebrate with here in Leeds. I know it could be worse it's just that life is not what I was expecting it to be. I didn't think I would ever be lonely or feel abandoned by friends, not down here. I came here to start a new life and people have let me down in the same way that they let me down in Durham. So what's new?

I having been thinking about running away (I won't really do it though, just fantisising). I would like to just dissappear and not even say goodbye to anyone or anything. I don't really want to be in Leeds or Durham at the moment and I am extremely unsure about where I belong.
There are some people down here who care about me though they are not neccassirly friends.
I was reading about this guy called J.D Salinger who wrote The Catcher in the Rye and he lived alone on some little farm in the middle of nowhere and barely spoke to anyone. I feel like Holden Caulfield right now and I want to live like J.D Salinger.
Less people= less problems

Last week I got mugged at knife point and it's not like I'm traumatised by it or something it's just making me feel more depressed.
I am going to start counselling so I can talk about these things because I feel really low.
My birthday celebrations often have a hint of misery about them and this year's is going to be no exception.
There don't seem to be many cheerful posts on this blog, I am a right miserable sod sometimes, I really am.