I have to write something here because I have been desperate to write on my blog but I haven't been able to because I was busy. Did that last sentence make sense? I hope it did.

Last thursday I went out for a few drinks with a friend, just during the afternoon/evening. I had a great time. Then we all said goodbye and they departed and I was a bit pissed. I was ok though, I managed to walk home allright and everything. The only problem was that all these dark thoughts came into my head, but this time they felt worse because of the alcohol. About my future, self doubts etc.
I felt so low at the thought of coming home to an empty house because I wanted somebody to just hug me. Anyway I was just in this mood where I wanted to talk to anybody so then I talked to this alcoholic who was just sitting on the street and I asked him if he was a Christian and he said that he was. I asked if I could talk to him further but then he just asked me to buy him so alcohol. I just felt really used and betrayed so I left him. I think he was lying to me.

When I got in the house I felt terrible because I was completely alone with no prospect of seeing anybody else for the rest of the day. I phoned this woman that I knew because I thought she might listen because she was a christrian.
Then I just cried down the phone and said, "I'm so drunk" several times. She said I should phone her back when I was less drunk. I managed to fall asleep for a while and then I phoned my brother and talked to him and that made me feel better. I sent the woman a text saying sorry I was just druink, nothing is wrong with me. I don't really want to know how I was feeling after all.

So anyway that was my lonely drunken thursday. The strange thing was that I had this wierd sense of de ja vu. It was as if this had happened before or maybe I had dreamt it was going to happen.

I just don't know....