Christmas was ok actually and my Grandad only cried a tiny bit. It was easier this year than it was last year. I had a good day. I got a bottle of vodka off my brother so I'll be taking that down to uni with me and it will serve me well for many nights out. I did some uni work yesterday but I couldn't be bothered today so I have done nothing. I will do a load of work tommorow.
I'm missing friends and people I know from uni quite a lot but I'm going back just before the 9th so I just need to get stuck into my work and that will keep me busy!
I feel a bit sorry for myself because I am single and in Durham (see previous post) but I suppose this feeling is brought on by locking myself away for hours on the computer and not talking to anyone.
I was looking at some dating website's but I'm not sure at all because I don't find many of the men attractive and they always write vague descriptions like- "have a good sense of humour" "looking for someone who doesn't take life too seriously"
Well that's me out for starters- nobody ever says "I would like to go out with a semi paranoid vegetarian who hates the world"
Damn!
I will stop moaning now because I really don't have anything to moan about. I have this irrational fear of turning into Bridget Jones one day.

I wanted to write a load of stuff to sort my head out because it's nearly Christmas day and I'm feeling pretty low. I have no friends at home because of the way things worked out in school and college (most of the people I was friends with/ tried to be friends with were arseholes or just indifferent to me). So I have no social life. I also really miss Leeds- can't wait to go back.My parents don't love each other and my brother is not exactly having a great life.
I have no real life in Durham. Also it is approaching Christmas day and my grandma is dead and it won't be the same without her and my Grandad will be close to tears all day. I hate beeing at home it just makes me feel depressed and none of the kids that live round here like me so I don't like going out in case people shout abuse at me when I'm walking through the park or whatever. I am having such a moan and I feel like a bit of a wuss saying I don't like going out.
I hate being in Durham- it makes me feel low as hell and Christmas approaching doesn't help. I am trying to console myself with the fact that a lot of people feel like this at christmas. I also have a lot of people who care about me and respect me in Leeds and I don't have to stay here long.

Well today my parents and I went to visit relatives. I saw my Grandad who I love a lot so that was good. But we also went to see my auntie and uncle and cousin who I don't know/ don't like. My uncle is the most racist homophobic person I have ever met and I didn't speak to my cousion because I don't know him that well and I think he's a 'one of the lads' type that I just can't stand. I think he's probably homophobic and racist too. So I said about three words when I was there because I don't respect them at all.
I can't stand any relatives apart from my Grandad and my Grandma who is on my mind at the moment because she's dead.

If you have read the previous post about the party you will know what happened at my flatmates' birthday party.
The residential officer came round and two of us had to make statements about the fight etc.I got really angry and said his friends were tossers and they should be banned because they just cause trouble and have no respect for our flat. He has fell out with me over wanting his friends banned and has told me not to text him. So I have managed to piss someboy off again. I thought things were going too well. I'm sure this won't turn into a big deal we can probably sort it out when we go back. I was sort of crying today because I get really fed up with petty little things like this. He can't even accept that his friends were completely irresponsible. They are unlikely to get banned anyway so I really don't see why something I said in a moment of anger is such a big deal. So fuck if I don't like his friends anyway- that's just life isn't it and I'm also entitled to my opinion and if he doesn't like it he'll just have to learn to deal with it.
Apologies for boring people to do death with this bitchy post but I just had to write this because I am so fed up of some of my flatmates who get upset over petty little things.

I did eventually get all that work done though it took till about 12.00 and the network crashed at the wrong time etc. but at least its all over with now. And the presentation was cancelled because we didn't have time for it in the seminar!
So we are going to do it next week.
In other news, my brother came down on saturday and we went shopping together. I cried a bit because I hadn't seen him for about 3 weeks which is quite a long time for me.
I went to a party at my flat (flatmates birthday party) which was not a bad night. The birthday boys friends were absolute tossers though. There was about 10 of them and they were plastered by about 8.00 pm and went out looking for a fight with the building opposite us. Then later on they looked for another fight. We were all supposed to be going out to a night club in Leeds called Space but half of us didn't go out because we thought there might be more trouble. We all got quite pissed and embarrased ourselves a lot and had a great night. So I spent most of the night with really cool people from different flats. When we woke up in the morning the hole flat was a shit hole so we had to clean it up. These lads had pissed all over our bathroom floor and someone had had a shit in our shower (which WE had to clean up yesterday). Had a great night but they are not welcome in our flat again because they have no respect for our property at all.

I'm a bit stressed at the moment because I have two presentations to do on wednesday and I left it a bit late to start working on them. So now I am panicking ahhhhhhhhh!

On thursday night I went out and got quite drunk and I got off with this guy. We were kissing and touching each other then I gave him a hand job (well I put my hand down his pants and you know- gave him pleasure). This is going to sound really bad but I am actually proud of myself because it is the first time I have ever touched a man's cock. I am also a virgin. It was an interesting experience for me but I'm not going to turn into a slut or anything- I won't do something like that again- I especially wouldn't sleep with someone I just met because that would be really sleazy and I would just feel used and dirty.
Pretty fun experience though! he, he, he *giggles in a really naughty way*
(*sigh* I have ruined my reputation as a nice sensible girl though)