I haven't been blogging for a while...

Just a not to say my birthday night went off pretty well. Feel slightly more adjusted to being 21 now. I have been doing work on my dissertation, well, reading for it anyway. Apparently I am supposed to have done the first chapter by 16th Novermber. Argh! I'm still slightly confused about how it should be structured. Should be ok though. First chapter only has to be 2000 words and have already made a start. I'm just having a good old fashioned panic, as I have done on previous occasions...

On the whole things are really good, I'm enjoying living with my flatmates. It's been so much better this year living with people who are also friends because they are considerate. I am not having my food eaten or strangers sleeping in my bedroom. So it's all good all the time (to quote 'Erbal from Dark Angel).

Need to get cracking with working properly though. I am still being really slack. Don't want to get to January and panic about my dissertation and end up with a third or worse!

I'lll be back soonish to report on my progress, I can tell you now that my panic will have been for nothing because everything will be fine. Need to have more faith in life... Need to find myself a career.
But that's a whole new ballgame, let's get through the dissertation panic first...

Yes, the day of reckoning is approaching and I am worrying about going out on saturday for a few drinks. I keep thinking that something is going to go wrong even though it won't because I actually have some good friends now. I need to just chill out. I always get really worked up like this before an occasion and majority of the time everything works out anyway...
I can't believe I'm going to be 21... I know I already said that last time but it's all pretty wierd. I've been having some pretty wierd mixed up dreams lately where People and locations in Leeds and Durham are all mixed up together...
Though I am looking forward to my birthday I will be relieved when it's over and things have gone ok. I might stop having wierd dreams then. I really should start my dissertation (I should have started it at the beginning of August!) but I am struggling to get started and motivated, that's the problem with long summers, your brain goes to sleep...

I went for a nice walk around North West Leeds last night and I got to the top of a hill and looked down and I could see all of the beautiful lights below and I felt so at home... Everything just felt right...
Anyway, I really need to just relax and stop worrying about everything before I drive myself mad...

Well as you can see I've been away for a while...

I've got through my second year ok, I managed to pass everything. Will be entering the dissertation year next year oohhh. I am going to write about the gender wage gap. I haven't started it yet, though I should have. I will hopefully have a plan together before the start of university so it won't look like I am a complete slacker.

I am also looking forward to doing as much walking as possible this year until I finish university and have to live in the 'real world'. I know scary isn't it. I was just being slightly self indulgent and reading some of my old blog entries. Lots of people will be starting university this year and I feel quite sorry that some of them will have a tough time ahead of them.

I will be turning twenty one on the 3rd of september and I just can't believe that I am that age already. I was 16 about 5 minutes ago. I am starting to feel a bit old. I am the oldest person in my new house at the moment (and yes, I did move out of the last house quite gladly, though people still owe me money, that really pisses me off).

Will be blogging more regularly now anyway.
I'll be back soon.

Vickie

Since the last post I have been very adventurous and I have been to the Yorkshire Dales and to the Lake District. The weather was atrocious on both of these weekends.The Lake district weekend 9th-11th of Febrauary was particularly difficult. On the way to the bunk house the minibus nearly crashed. It skidded on the ice and got bashed about a bit. It looked like it was going to tip over at one point (but luckily it didn't)! We had to wait for some very kind locals to give us lifts to the bunkhouse.We had an extremely wet and windy walk on saturday. On sunday most people were fed up so we went to Ambelside (near Lake Windermere) which is a nice little town and strolled about and went to the pub for a while. We had a lovely day, it reminded me of when I used to have days out with my parents when I was a child...sigh...
Still a bit depressed about my Grandad, but these things take time.Also my bedroom (at home) is being used as a storeroom for some of his things until they are moved on elsewhere. I was at home weekend before last and it was quite odd sleeping in a room with his stuff.
I'm going home this weekend again (because I just feel like it) so I'm going to have another odd couple of days.
I've been spending time with my Grandad's girlfriend (who is a very lovely woman) and it's really nice. It feels like I haven't quite lost as much as I thought I had. I'll have to go before I start getting really emotional and embarrasing myself at university. Lately my feelings have been a bit to close to the surface for my comfort and I need to be careful sometimes what I say in case I just start to cry or something embarrasing like that.

Anyway...Things are looking up after all.

Yes... tut, tut, tut.

I have neglected my blog disgracefully.
This is because I have/had a lot of uni work to do.

I had some problems. Yes, I have 'recovered' from my other bit of 'depression' and I have taken peoples advice (ajn and Jools) and started to just make an effort with people and trust people. This has had pretty good results and I feel very secure at the moment, I have some very good friends now and the world isn't have a s bad as I once thought it was.
So anyway... the 'problem' I will be talking about today is my Grandad who died on the 28th of November.He had some heart problems but he was pretty healthy and everyone was expecting him to just get better. He had a girlfriend and he was happier than he had been for quite a while. Well I have had a strange christmas this year, and I am having some wierd dreams about my Grandad and I keep waking up crying.

And another thing, I have quit morrisons so I will have my weekends back to go walking and get my work done. I have a life again!

I know it takes time to deal with things like death so I'll just have to see how it goes...
I will post soon, I promise.
Thanks for remembering me Jools, it's really nice to get a message from someone you haven't heard from in a while.
Vickie